今天

忙碌的工作逼得我讨厌生活，甚至不小心忘记原来自己是想要怎么生活的了。
打从天亮，就期待天暗收工。工作的伙伴很好很棒，就只是自己懒了不想动。
刚刚听到FIR唱孙燕姿的《第一天》。

你說活在明天　活在期待
不如活得今天很自在
我說我懂了　會不會太快
未來　第一天要展開

林老娘，活在今天吧。

我呼吸我感觉我存在

记 —— 就上一秒还在为莫名其妙承受的委屈而难过，下一秒马上就为了人家对我的好而安慰

我说过，长大在我生命中不但抹去了岁月还带走了我埋怨的权利。有些事情我不做不代表我不会也不代表我不要做，只是我没说我知道自己的立场和职责也觉得有人比我适合；我不张口并不代表我没有感受，我没反对不代表我就接受；可闷着闷着我眼泪就快闷出来了。乘着我还有能力控制自己的时候我保持沉默，但是我真希望当我决定做好人的时候不要有人逼我破功。如果我是全心全意地对人好，我不奢求任何回报，但起码可不可以那个人不要踩着我的鼻子骑上头来？

原本还在为一些不想说出来的不爽而发闷气，却因为下一个人的贴心而感动。在工作的那里认识了几个不错的朋友，前一个晚上还跟大家放工后到戏院报道，接着宵夜直接狂野到凌晨。其中一个弟弟特别细心。谢谢他在老板的小少爷占我便宜的时候维护我，谢谢他在我快给很重量级的货物压扁的时候出现，谢谢他在我需要梯子的时候借出他的身高；谢谢。

很多时候，我需要学会忍耐和伪装，笑着的臉其实想要流泪。有些时候，我渴望释放那个自己，认认真真地感受生命中的一切，尤其人家对我的好。朋友贴心的提醒，一个简讯、面子书的留言或是十万火急的千里狂call，就怕我错过最好的时间表选择。我真的感动。

我呼吸我感觉我存在
我欢喜我悲哀我有情有爱
命运在我面前横摆
理想回荡在我胸怀

现实的世界充满无奈
我又何必空自伤感

打起精神任何困难我来排
提起脚步路途崎岖也得迈

我呼吸我感觉我存在
我欢喜我悲哀我有情有爱

作词:陈陆辉 /作曲:张雨生

就是酱啦，我活在那么真实的现实，不是时时刻刻都如意却也感受不少的感动。生活一切都好，只是当半夜独自开车载朋友回家后迷路，经过没有路灯的街道的时候，希望身边有个人陪。

当夜里卷着身躯拥着抱抱睡觉时，希望身边也有个人。
所以我戴上耳机，快快找阿信去。

所以我的信仰填上了： Mayday五月天

All because of them

First and for most, millions of thanks to all the firemen for tonight.
All because of them, everyone was safe.

I was driving back from work.
From far, I saw flame of fire popping out somewhere very near to my home-ie.
By the time I reach home, I saw mum standing anxiously in front of the house.
Her face was bad. She was worried bout the fire.
My dad was not at home and she was alone.
That was the very first time I saw her in such frightened way.
But all I could do was to be right there standing beside her.

People were all around my neighbourhood watching the 'live show'.
I cant stop myself from cursing these kepo people.
What if the fire spread across to our house and how could us run away?
Stupid and headless.

Fire engines arrived soon.
There were a total of 4 fire engines, and 1 of them was even from Padang Lembu.
That was a self-volunteered firemen team and another 1 was volunteered team from SP.
The house on fire was just few houses away from mine.
And so the firemen used the fire hydrant, right in front of the house next to mine.

While standing there, I could actually feel the tension with 2 fire engines stopped right in front of my house and the firemen worked in their full speed.
It was so blessed to have them.
Thank you very much.

The siren went off after an hour.
No one was hurt as far as I concerned and the reason for the fire was not yet know.


This is not a primary essay of 'bla bla incident'.
This is a real story happened 2 hours ago.
And I am greatful that I am still alive and my house stand still.

And I missed it

Can you imagine the scene of the whole family go for a movie all together?
And a 70++year old grandpa holding a dack of 19 tickets at overall?
3rd Uncle paid for all that :b

And I'm pretty regret for not being able to attend.
I can't even get a half day off from work for that.
And can someone imagine how sad I am now?
T.T

半死半活

纵然觉得疲惫觉得苦
即使多么想讨人怜讨人疼
因为理性的作怪
一切苦闷委屈似乎变得理所当然
满腹的牢骚突然间成了无理取闹

原来长大带走的不止是岁月
它一并没收了我埋怨的权利

就那么一只摇曳在夜风中的蜡苗
做好心， 就让它灭吧。

Tada, that's the way it goes.

At one point, you might forget where your real home is.
Then once an eye-opener comes along, you get the worst case of homesick.
You'll want all the things that you used to be familiar with.
And tada, that's the way it goes...

Quoted from vijay

It's so true for me. The 3 months-holiday back here at home seems like a vacation for me. This is the place where I hide from realities.At this place, I can like anything I like, do anything I do. With family and cousins, I find myself loved by all of them. With friends, I find my true self facing them. Here, I feel safe.But somehow, when these 3-months ends, I know I'll be back there again. And it may be something very confusing, as though that town is the actual place I should be at.

Talked to Stef just now. On phone, we spoke a lot; about friends, how life going on, bla bla bla. And some friends we talked about, are being not-very-good recently. May them find their ways and survive..; When it goes around things related to these ppl, I felt myself sort of refreshed.

All these while, since I started working, I've been facing all sorts of people everyday. To greet these customers, smiling from cheek to cheek I do every moment. Even if I really really really REALLY don't feel like smiling. To serve these customers, guessing around with their thoughts I do every moment. Have to know what they prefer, how they'll want it to be, and worst, to predict their spending ability and that is the thing I hate the most. To judge a person by their look/appearance/wearings is a surviving tool that I need, like it or not, I must have it and use it. That's so bad.

Everyday when I'm back, I don't feel like going to bed. Because once I close my eyes, the next thing I know when I wake up, it's another new day..working day.
Today's job: 10am til 11pm. Exhausted I am.

Anyway, no matter how it is, at least I'm still at home.
And this is very much better than the life I'll be facing when Feb ends.

..sigh..

I was touched.

The place that I'm now working at is a Traditional Chinese Medicine Company.
We (at this moment) sell herbals, traditional medicines, bird nest, ginseng, so and so.
Yet, my boss is a doctor (certified traditional Chinese physician).
So, there was this pair of husband and wife came to visit him.
Around their 50++ years' age, seems like having a moderate income.
They were looking for a wheel chair.
A special made wheel chair that they asked for previously.
I was staring at them when the husband pushed against the glass door with his one hand.
While another hand of his was around the wife's waist.
Very carefully they walked into the shop.
They were then lead to see the wheel chair.
When the husband finally let go of his wife to get the wheel chair, the wife stood at a slanting posture.
And finally I realized that she had a stroke and had half her body paralyzed, most probably.

Holding her hand, slowly they walked out.
And nothing I could do besides watching them.

Ever since I started working,
*legs ache every night.
*waist pain everyday
*not enough sleep everyday
But I love the smell of money; what to do?! sigh.

Whenever there's something for me to get busy with, the brain rarely thinks.
When the time is quiet, it starts getting itself busy.
Cousins, friends, brother, sisters.......everything, I miss them desperately.
And Mayday, of course I miss them.

Chinese New Year; faster come la !!!

最近雨神中万字，心情特别好，
天天给大地赐甘露。
夜里下雨的时候，
雨水刷去一天酸臭的疲累，
然后洒下一片辽阔的宁静；
静静地，
让我静静地，
静静地就好。

正处潮落

此起彼落的道理我听说过
生活有潮起有潮落我知道
所以我很努力
努力找寻拿冥冥中的平衡点

I miss those days.

有时候
我真的很怀念
那时那么轻易就往上弯的嘴角
看着天空枕着白云就好像把全世界都拥有


明天会更好吧
晚安。

为钱犯贱

人家放暑假，我放暑假，只是这个暑假的雨量似乎多了些。
过了将近两个月的无业民族生活，成天不过就是3懒：懒睡、懒吃、懒戏，连我都开始有点讨厌自己。
老天像是要拯救渺小的我，派了老板娘给我打电话，说是让我回去店里帮她的忙。
工钱比以前高、准时下班、加班OT另计、年三十可以不必上班、新年放到初七等听起来很诱惑人心的福利，说到我心痒皮也痒。

回到店里打工的这几天实在不好过。
每天七点起床，家务搞定了之后赶去开店，晚上回到家已经是十点之多，开车开到想睡觉。
店里很多事情都和记忆中熟悉的一切不一样，想说快点熟悉手头上的一切，从开店忙到关店是站和走胜于坐，两条腿比柠檬还酸。
加上最近佳节将近，店的大门是那么又开又关又开又关，生意好得不得了，忙得老板精神也有点紧绷。
店里5个员工加上我共6个，每天排着队，轮流给老板拿炸弹轰炸。
很多时候老板叫做什么我们做什么，老板不叫我们做什么我们也要做什么。
有时做不一定对，不做也不对。为什么之前都没那么累？哀～
自由了那么久，突然之间要受屈于人，一时之间真的不能适应。

冲个冷水澡后，梗着（因为没留意姨妈来访不小心吞了两杯冰茶所以）痛得半条命的腰，好不容易才摸黑爬上床。
真实的，在家摇脚摇得好好的，干嘛拿罪來受。
为钱犯贱啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊～
不过说实在的，也不是完全都是负面的想法，毕竟在那里也有许多学习的机会。
就算一比一，打和。
反正发薪的时候，有钱算，什么代价都值得！



. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

因为想一个人而寂寞
因为爱一个人而温柔
因为有一个梦而执着
因为等一个人而折磨
因为想一个人而解脱
因为爱一个人而宽容
因为有一个梦而放纵
因为等一个人而漂泊

因为 －范玮琪

寂静的夜里，思念的细胞好像特别活跃。

Day 4

- to your sibling



哥,

I have not been seeing you for 1 year.
Everything goes fine and smooth?

Er.

Well.

Yea.

Okay.

Hmm.

....

....

Just to tell you la, treat yourself better.

Use that money to buy yourself something. Or you can go for a trip. Or just anything else you like. My laptop is old and lousy and stupid heavy and though I really hope for a new laptop, I can always earn myself money to get it. Did you know, when dad told me that you want to buy me a laptop with your pocket money, I cry........almost :b

你干嘛对我酱好啦 ?!

When dad grounded two of us for the missing sweet in the fridge, you admitted yourself so we could both go to sleep rather that standing whole night. Deep inside, you knew it well that you didn't eat that much, aren't you? That's why you so bo syok me for quite some time after that. But I knew the reason why. '你是哥哥，她是妹妹', mum said that to the 10++-year-old you. I heard it.

When we have been together in the same clubs and units, you always complained to take me along for the activities. For more, you have been taking me with bikes for quite some time till mum bought me a bike too. You hate it so much when your friends said: 'your sis ar..' I knew. But still we went through those years, together.

When you finally got yourself license, you always said no and scolded like hell whenever I asked for a ride. But after awhile, you'd come and knock my door, :'What time you want to go la?' Not in a very good manner, but I don't mind at all......as long as I get what I want :3

When you got your pay for the first part time job, you bought yourself your 1st phone. Then you changed to the 2nd one, the one I'm using now. When you left for INTEK, dad half-sponsored you for a laptop, the one I'm using now. When you started hanging around KL, you bought yourself a mp3, I spoiled that one edi.. Then there you went to Aus, you bought yourself more mp3s and aha.. Ipod. The blue Nano, the one I using now.

.........................................................................

To survive alone in foreign country is already not an easy task. For more, you have not asked for extra pocket money from home ever since you leave. How you save up the money, I know, I know it so well.
Just for once, use it for yourself, k?
*but I don't mind receiving little presents la..^^

Er.
Last time ar.. I told you that you must treat me better that your GF (if you have) ; but now I give you an allowance, which is: you can treat your GF as well as you treat me. Happy? No need thanks me la :)

Ohya, for my 20th birthday, what you want for the birthday wish? The 1st wish belongs to you. Let me know when you think of one.



Ps: May your house will not be flooded or flushed away. They said the Queensland's flood is very severe now. Be healthy and safe.

Love you always,
妹

新年快乐 !!

树叶转红了
新年快到了 ！

Zinnia 百日菊

Mexican zinnia speaks floridly for farewell.
百日菊，花语：惜别

2010 在我还没来得及长大的时候悄悄离开了，像是徐志摩的‘挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩’，可最近天空的云彩好像都只剩下一片灰，雨下个不停的。

屋前的那棵不知道叫什么名的树，叶子转红了，就跟往年一样；那天拍了几张照片，改天再放上来。

老爸新栽培了一株猪笼草，早上刚刚冒出了几颗迷你迷你的猪笼，死呗卡哇伊。

明天开学了，早上少了老妈那句：‘还不要起身aaaaaa!', 感觉一定很不错。

刚刚看着那几天跟朋友鬼混的照片来，感觉还蛮想念他们的。

stef 和 karmen 今早双双南下，一个飞吉隆坡一个飞新加坡，却在槟城机场碰见，好巧。

steve 明早飞机，飞往canada，SP又要少了一个白痴，有点难过；等下得给他传个简讯。

大家都羡慕我的summer holiday很长，其实他们不知道我其实快成热狗了，懒得快要死的热狗。

刚刚吃了3杯冷冷的菜燕，好像加多了糖，龙眼的味道很甜，甜到好想掉眼泪。

2011开始到现在为止，还没有啥新年愿望，顶多就是希望今年可以比往年好多一点点，一些些；可以的话，一切都顺心、顺心、顺心、还是顺心。

顺心？！

新年快乐，恭喜发财。
不迟不早啦。

珍重

We'll meet like this again.
Promised ?

很多总是说不完的话题

很多老是聊不完的曾经

更多的是停不止的欢笑

即将离开的你们莫忘了

那时候我们在这个小镇

种下的友谊正悄悄发芽

在我们下次相聚的时候

开出花儿的艳丽与璀璨


－珍重