Day 18

-to the person that you wish you could be


Dear you,

I will never forget how much you have influenced the 15-year-old me.
Like a mold, I tried to learn the way you deal with life.

何(なん)とかなんさ

‘There must be a way, don't worry’. You like saying the phrase at all time.

When difficulties come to me, I wish to told myself: 何(なん)とかなんさ.
When choices (that I have no idea on which to be picked) lye in front of me; 何(なん)とかなんさ.
When I can’t foresee the way I am heading for; 何(なん)とかなんさ.
When critics and misunderstandings let me down; 何(なん)とかなんさ.
When burdens almost put me to death; 何(なん)とかなんさ.

Basically, I’m lazy enough so I thought I might easily carry on with it; don't think so much, things will find their way. Anyway, things don’t go on as we wish all the time, aren’t they?
There are sometimes that I’m down, disappointed, feeling hurt and breaking down to cry (try not to be seen, of course), especially during that period when progesterone and oestrogen are being highly (perhaps overwhelmed) synthesized.

After all, when I turn back and look at those times, I can’t help but to laugh at myself. hahax.

What on earth that forced me to make clarification or decision or definition out of this wholly one-bunch-messing-up world?! Why must I crack my brain off to figure out things of ‘should’ and ‘shouldn’t’, or to get myself follow the stern principle although sometimes it is better to follow what’s in my mind? Hahax.

‘I am not on the evil side, neither do I on the good’s.’ You did say that. Within black and white, you have chosen none of them, neither you choose the colour of grey. Maybe, you never notice but in my point of view, you stand as in your own colour. I longs to discover my colour too. Perhaps, I’ll find it one day.

And I like the way you see others. In your eyes, everything and everyone is pretty in its own way. There is nothing as ‘you’re wrong and I’m right’. Indeed, as long as one is not killing/murdering another one, nothing is a definite wrong. I hope the world I see from my eyes is as pretty as yours. I really hope so.

For an average person like me, things go off tract sometimes.
Just recently, I have been trying my best to solve a problem as perfect as it can be. Somehow, there were blames and critics. Well, I did feel sad tho. And I told myself: nah~ 何(なん)とかなんさ. Maybe it would be better if I find out more bout this incident. But I'm just too lazy to think and figure out the reasons or solutions or whatever. Have I become alike to you more and more each day? Hahax. no idea.

I bet you must have not heard of my name before and will probably feel weird to receive a letter from a person you never knew. To be honest, I don't think you will ever read this, but I can't find any other better way to reach for you. And I am scared that you can't read English too..ermm, maybe I shall start learning Japanese...We'll see.

Wow, it's a long letter. I hope you won't be bored reading it. Do send my regards to Anna, HoruHoru, ChocoLove, Ren, Ryu, Manta and others. Ohya, don't forget Amidamaru too :)

That's all for now, I think. Oh, there's another thing, will u mind to do me a favor by telling steve: Day18 is not for you la..hahax. Thanks.

Till we meet (if we can) , take care and all da best.




a big fan of yours,
tzexin